The people in your life are either the best from your past or the best for your future. Understanding the crucial influence the people in our lives have on us is one of the first steps to getting to the next level. In episode 823, Kevin and Alan share the importance of having the right people in your corner and how to get the right people in your corner.
The right people hold us accountable, motivate us, push us, and lift us up. We must get around people who are more aspirational. We need people who accept us for who we are while at the same time supporting the person we want to become. Want to be happier in your life? Get around the Positive Patricias’, and reduce your time with the Negative Nellies’ (sorry if your name is Nellie! We love you!)
Think back to the poor choices you made and acknowledge who you were surrounded by.
How have your relationships changed in the last 10 years? If they haven’t, maybe you haven’t changed in the ways you wanted to either. It’s a sad fact that we will outgrow people. People come into our lives with lessons, purpose and sometimes it’s really sad to grow apart. But it’s all part of growing. Everyone has a place in our lives and we need to accept this.
We need to get around the type of people we aspire to be. If you want to start a podcast, get around podcasters! If you want to be athletic, get around athletic people! It sounds simple, but it’s life-changing! This is how to get the right people in your corner!
Getting around the right people is only half the battle, we also need to limit our time with people who strive for things we don’t want. We will pick up their negative habits on a subconscious level as well. At the same time, if you have had people leave in your life, possibly they have had different or higher aspirations than your current ones. There was a study published in the New England Journal of Medicine that found that when a person becomes obese, the chances that a friend will become obese increase by 57%! I need to be careful with this analogy because someone’s weight has absolutely NOTHING to do with a person’s worth but it is important to realize that if you are trying to adopt healthier habits then spending most of your time with people who do not prioritize this may rub off on you.
Contemplation is such a beautiful tool to use in order to evaluate and raise your awareness in different aspects of your life. Contemplate how much people are of value to you by the level of impact they’ve had on you. Ask yourself, how much different would my life be if they weren’t in it? Contemplate the alternative if those people weren’t in your life.
Do you spend time with people out of obligation, aspiration, or pleasure?
Do people raise your awareness? Are you your best self around them? When creating habits we tend to adopt from people closest to us, the most people around us, and of people of power. Make sure that that this circle of influence has the habits you want to adopt.
Now, your heart may be racing a little at the thought of cutting half of the people in your life right out. You don’t have to cut people out! I mean, if they’re participating in a nothing but toxic relationship then yes, this is probably the best idea. But if you love this person but you’ve just outgrown them, then you just need to create boundaries and make sure that they don’t have a high influence over you.
Now that we’ve contemplated, we can come to the conclusion that when we keep certain people in our life we are actually saying no to dreams and goals. Understand this. Recognizing how to get the right people in your corner will dramatically level up your life.
Figure out who are the 5 people you spend the most time with. Is everyone you’re with more excelled than you? Are you the most successful of them all? If so then maybe you should reevaluate your friend group.
There are 5 different types of friendships. In episode #559 Kevin and Alan discuss what they call the 5 buckets of friendships.
The first one is the nostalgia bucket. These are the people you grew up with. These relationships are based on the past, and people with who you no longer have anything in common.
The second one is the maintenance bucket. These are family and long distant friends. We love these people but don’t spend a consistent amount of time with them.
The third is the mentee bucket. These are the people you pour into consistently. They are eager to grow and help you grow as well.
The fourth is the growth bucket. These are your peers, the people growing alongside you. They are the people who lift you up and support you and are playing for the same game, same mission as you. You both stretch each other and help each other grow.
The fifth bucket is the wisdom bucket. These are the mentors. These are the people years ahead of you. They are the professionals of a certain skill you want to gain. They are the people you look up to and aspire to be.
Also, understand that the buckets shift based on discipline. For example, Bob might be in the wisdom bucket for business but mentee bucket when it comes to fitness.
The more you fill the growth and wisdom bucket, the more progress you’re going to make. You don’t need to throw out the other buckets, just allocate less time to them and don’t shrink down when you’re with these people. Stay strong in who you are and want to be.
I have one more important note to add when contemplating the people in your corner. There’s an analogy we call lonely land. It’s the space between two levels of your life. You feel as though you no longer belong to your old associations and friend groups. In a sense, outgrown them. You also, don’t believe you belong to the people you aspire to be like. This makes you feel like an imposter to the next level because you haven’t quite grown to them yet: they are more like mentors than growth friends. You might be tempted to go back to the old places just to get rid of this feeling, you just want to fit in somewhere! But don’t! You’ve got this. Think of it like this.
Imagine it as if you’re going on a hike: a freeze-your-butt-off hike. Halfway through, it was so cold and you wanted to turn around. But if you turn around it’s just as long as going forward and you will be back to where you started. If you go forward you will make it to the magical coffee shop that sells next-level cinnamon rolls (the next level of your life). Once you get there you will forget all about the painfully cold hike there because those cinnamon rolls are just so darn good! (you heal through the pain of missing your past self and you will no longer be able to imagine your life any other way.) You’ve got this. I believe in you. Create your tribe. Get yourself some magical cinnamon role-level friends!
There are new magical people to seek out. Your life is a book that you’re writing. Everything that’s in your life you’ve either created or attracted in. Write something beautiful. Add some beautiful characters to your story and watch as the whole plot transforms!