In this abundantly intuitive episode, Kevin and Alan sit down with the one and only Jennifer Nurick and talk about breaking toxic cycles from your childhood.
Please don’t ever avoid going through the process needed to heal and grow. Your highest potential is greatly based on the depth to which you’ve healed. Make sure to tune in to episode 818 to begin your journey to becoming the best version of YOU.
One of the biggest things holding us back is fear. When we try to go back and heal parts of ourselves, the questions that often come up are; am I betraying what I have always known, and can I handle this new way of living? Will I lose love? If I go back into my past, will it be like reliving it all over again? However much your brain tries to tell you otherwise, just because something is familiar does not mean it’s safer.
Diving into and healing our inner child is very uncomfortable. However, having our past traumas control our life is also uncomfortable. We often find ourselves in the same cycles over and over because that’s what we are used to. We still find it comfortable and resist change, even if the situation is toxic
How do you recognize if what was common for you growing up is actually toxic? Jennifer gives us a beautiful response. Ask yourself. How is it feeling in me? How does it feel when that dynamic is playing out? Does it feel good or does it make you feel sick?
Sometimes we are disconnected from those feelings. We are conditioned by the environments we grew up in. In order to dig deep into your true intuitive feelings, we must reconnect within ourselves. It’s here where we may find the answers to whether or not we have cycles that need to be broken.
For Jennifer, inner child work has been the most effective in her own psyche. Oftentimes, the adults and parents in our life growing up don’t validate our experiences. They don’t give movement and words to our feelings. Our feelings in turn become stuck inside of us as parts of self. Our inner child may throw irrational tantrums. With a new level of awareness, we may see these as irrational. But, if we go back into these stuck parts of us, it may all make sense. We may also see cycles being repeated over and over. Address this with an open heart and listen to her. Give your inner child what she needs. Sit with her for as long as she needs so that you can heal those trapped parts of self that never got healed.
Once that younger version of you feels safe, only then you can move forward. Don’t force it. Don’t force her. You may not understand why she feels a certain way but if you listen, you might just find the answers. Instead of shaming or dismissing, this time actually hold that space your inner child needed when she was younger. You can finally be the ear and safety she needed.
Form a relationship with her as the functional adult and loving parent. You will need to adapt this concept in order to truly heal those stuck trapped parts of self. This is a very deep form of self-love. We are accessing a part of us that holds complexity and trauma, not in our cognitive mind, but as the person deep within. The inner child is a very valid precious part of you and this relationship is very crucial to the healing process.
Check in with your inner child to make decisions. Here is one example Jennifer uses. Say, part of you feeling so sad and wanting to eat a whole tub of ice cream. Hear this feeling, but be the loving parent who does what’s best for the child with a greater sense of awareness. Help her realize that she won’t feel good and that this may not actually be what she’s seeking. What might she need before the tub of ice cream? Maybe a hug? Maybe she just wants you to tell her that it will be okay? Truly listen to her. Connecting with the inner child reduces the impulsiveness that keeps hurting her. It requires a lot of intuition.
Now, how do you get out of cycles of shame and guilt when you did something while your awareness was low? Shame is a core programming that often comes from childhood, and/or traumas. When working with shame, core self, and core identity, it’s recommended to work with a therapist. We are now reaching into deep dark spots we’ve pushed away and put defenses around. Sometimes we overachieve to escape. Or we hide behind the shame.
We must get into the environment to face the shame. All that is happening to counterbalance this shame, can also be released. This will help us to break the cycle of doing the same things that add to the shame cycle. Really take a look at how much these childhood cycles are controlling your life. Are you ready for a change but afraid of how much it might unlock? Just breathe. Remember, you are not alone. Everyone has an inner child who needs some support. However deep your childhood cycles run, you can heal and grow and create new beliefs. It’s never too late to take a step back and give yourself what you need.
You can find more of Jennifer’s work at https://www.jennynurick.com/. Trust your own journey. Keep an open heart. Learning about your inner child is similar to learning a new language. Be patient. Know that going back and unlocking your past self will help you move forward and heal your future self. It’s so important that we heal our inner child in order to progress forward and become the best versions of ourselves.